Live BIG: What is the Key to Change Your Life?

“You said ‘move on.’  Do you think you can do that while holding onto the bitterness and resentment you’re now feeling?”

The question caught Hal off guard.  He had every right to be bitter and resentful!  A sharp reply was on his tongue.

But Donald continued.  “I only ask because I held onto my bitterness for a lot of years.  In fact, I’ve handled some of the biggest challenges in my life very poorly, in ways that almost destroyed me.”

Hal looked up.  “What do you mean by poorly?”

“Defending and protecting myself.  My ego, I should say.  Justifying my own actions and blaming people and circumstances . . .  It was after many years of suffering that I finally understood I’d created my own misery by the way I handled these events.”

The Hero’s Choice

It’s the ultimate insult from one teen to another:  “You’re SO immature!”

Are you emotionally immature?  Although we all know adults who are immature, few of us would willingly claim a deficiency of maturity ourselves.  We feel defensive at the very question, or even a niggle of self-doubt.  Sure, you’re an adult with all the trappings.  You keep a house, pay your bills, perhaps care for a family.  But you also have those moments when you’re tired or stressed out when you catch yourself reacting like a child.

This is true for all of us.  You’ve seen this:

• A perfectly sane shopper hits the stores during the holidays, and is suddenly jostling others in line and muttering unpleasant comments about the cashier, just loud enough to be heard.
• An even-tempered accountant discovers the scratch his teen left on the side of his car.  Burdened by rows of numbers and the impending tax deadlines, he finds himself railing at his kid like the car was the important thing.
• A normally reasonable woman gets a diamond on her ring finger and is magically transformed into “Bride-zilla” – an angry, demanding, spoiled . . . well, brat.

Stress, worry, high expectations, exhaustion . . . they can propel any of us into toddler moments, doing the adult equivalent of a kicking, screaming tantrum.  These moments are a good indicator that we need to stop and direct our energy toward calming down and addressing some of these issues, but they don’t necessarily mean that we’re emotionally immature.

But how can you determine whether you’re emotionally mature, and why does it matter?

As far as the first question – are you emotionally mature – we’ll talk about that at length in upcoming blogs, starting with a quiz to highlight your problem areas.

But let me address the second question here.  Simply, successful people are emotionally mature.  Your IQ is important, as is your work ethic, but research shows that emotional maturity is an even greater predictor of success.  Emotionally mature people face the drudgery of baby steps toward life change with consistency and resolve, and disappointment and challenges with courage, wisdom and imagination.  They don’t waste their energy on wishful thinking, living in denial, or comparing their lives to others; they see the job that needs to be done, formulate a strategy, and go after it.  Most importantly, they take responsibility for their lives and circumstances instead of blaming others for their unhappiness or lack of success.

Change your life and live BIG by achieving the powerful tool of emotional maturity.