To Give is to Receive

Arthur Brookes, an economist and professor of entrepreneurship at the University of Syracuse, works with successful entrepreneurs. In an article entitled The Privilege of Giving (Marriott Alumni Magazine, Winter 2008), Dr. Brookes states that the entrepreneurs he works with are very generous. He used to believe they were generous because of their excess wealth. They give money away because they have money. However, many entrepreneurs told him that they have money because they give it away. Dr. Brookes didn’t believe them and so put their theory to a test.

Working with a number of universities and community foundations, Dr. Brookes sponsored a study of thirty thousand American families. The researchers gave these families an exhaustive survey asking questions about their jobs, how much money they make, what they do with their time, whether or not they volunteer, how much money they give away to charities, etc.

To his astonishment, he learned that the more families give away the more they receive. In other words, if you have two families and control for every other variable (education, number kids, region of residence, ages, religion, etc.), but one of those families gives $100 more to charity than the other family, that family will, on average, have a net income of $375 more than the non-giving family and that difference can only be explained by their charitable giving (only variable on which the families are measurably different).

When Dr. Brookes got the data he was convinced it was wrong, so gathered new data, rewrote his analysis and found that he got the same results again … and again. The results consistently suggested that the return on an investment of $1.00 given to charity was $3.75—an amazing outcome.

Giving is its own reward

The rewards of giving are far more than financial. There is a good body of research in neuropsychology that shows that people who are generous with their money have more endorphins and fewer stress hormones in their brains. They are both happier and more effective than people who do not give.

Something about giving changes us. But the change only happens when we give “not grudgingly or of necessity” but voluntarily and with goodwill. It is then that the good we put out to others comes back to bless our lives. Spiritual teachers and the great religions of the world have long taught us to give and that our giving shall be returned to us manifold.

In the classic book, The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran imparts profound wisdom about giving. “You oft would say, ‘I would give but only to the deserving.’ The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture. They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.”

I think, today, of the people in Haiti. If there was ever a need to give generously, it is now. The difference we can make in their lives is incredible. And maybe we will also be blessed in return. 

Last Words

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Thank you for your continued support.

With deepest respect,

Roger K. Allen

Are You Cheating Yourself Out of Your Abundance and Prosperity?

One dark night on a winding road in Malibu, he was struck by an idea.  “You know, I could turn right (over the side of the canyon) and no one would know.  It would look like an accident.  My wife would get $3 million of insurance.  It would solve all of our problems.”

If you’ve been reading along in my blogs, you know that, while reality is tangible and concrete, our perception of a given reality has a huge impact on what happens next. Our lives can be blooming with abundance and prosperity, but if we can’t see it, we’re likely to throw it away before we recognize it.  The reality for Jim Moret was that he was – and is – buried by debt.  His perception, that his life could be valued in dollars and cents and that there was no hope for him, that he was defined by his big house and lavish lifestyle, very nearly determined what would happen next for him.

We all organize our lives around four general themes:

• Fear and Scarcity
• Duty and Obligation
• Achievement and Success
• Abundance and Goodwill

Initially, Jim Moret had organized his life around the theme of Achievement and Success.  He was a man of worth, because he had visible success and celebrity.  When the former CNN anchor faced the prospect of losing all the tangible signs of his Achievement and Success, his theme changed to Fear and Scarcity.  He didn’t know how to get his former lifestyle back, and without it, his life was worthless.   He might as well just jerk his steering wheel to the right and end it all now.

For Jim Moret, the fact that he was even considering suicide shocked him into opening his eyes.  He thought about his wife and his three children, and that led him to ask himself, “What if I had one day left, how would I view life?  What’s important?  What would I value?  How do I look at friendship and love and gratitude and laughter and music and forgiveness and adventure?  And none of those things had anything to do with money.  Money was the root of my desperation.”

Jim Moret’s theme of Fear and Scarcity shifted to one of Abundance and Goodwill.  He realized that he already had the most precious things in his life – he just needed to stop measuring his life by false values.

January can be a bleak month.  The holidays, with their media induced illusion of peace, abundance and prosperity through commercialism, are over, and the credit card bills are coming in.  Financial worries can stress relationships to the breaking point, and that negativity can infect all of your relationships.  For many of us, Fear and Scarcity are the theme of the month!

Try to distinguish between facts and  perception (facts as filtered by your perception).  For example:

Fact:  You own $30,000 in credit card debt.

Possible perception (distortion):

• You’ll never get out of debt.
• You’re mother in law was right about you — you’re a failure.
• You’re going to live in poverty during your retirement.
• Everything is terrible in your life.

You may have problems.  You may even have very big problems.  But you can’t confront challenges if you can’t see them clearly.  Don’t allow a filter of Fear and Scarcity to distort the facts into insurmountable obstacles.

With his wife’s encouragement, Jim Moret was able to sort through facts and perceptions of facts by journaling, and that journaling translated into a book, The Last Day of My Life, that may help solve some of his financial problems.  Hopefully his perception change will be a lasting one, and he will devote the remainder of his life to the theme of Abundance and Goodwill.

Confronting and correcting your filters is a critical step in transforming your life, but it’s not an easy step.  Here at the Human Development Institute, we are dedicated to empowering people to take that step into abundance and prosperity so you can achieve your greatest desires and live a joyful and abundant life.  Let us support you in this incredible journey.

The Hardest Thing I'll Ever Do

After several weeks of research and marketing experience I learned just how difficult it would be to achieve that goal. I learned that only one book in every 120,000 published hits a million sales and most authors don’t sell more than a 1,000 books. Pretty grim numbers.

But I also learned that it only takes around 10,000 sales in a week to be a best seller on one of the big lists—New York Times, USA Today, or Wall Street Journal. So I continued my research by consulting with a well-known book marketer to explore a campaign to accomplish that goal. We had about three conversations by phone. Initially I grew excited. Here was someone who had never struck out. He’d helped 43 authors accomplish this goal. I was onto something.

As we continued to talk, we got more specific. He told me I’d have to pre-sell 20,000 books (my rolodex didn’t hold that many names), hire a top PR firm, hit the big media, and do a several city tour promoting the book. I remember the words he spoke next. “This will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life.”

Not that I’m one to walk away from a challenge. But, I had to carefully weigh whether or not I was willing to pay the price to get that result. I thought long and hard. In my final conversation with him we talked the financial commitment to make this happen—an investment of three to four hundred thousand dollars.

Conversation over. Decision made. At that moment I knew I wasn’t willing to pay the price to make this dream happen. I’d still create a marketing plan and do my best to promote my book but the glitter of “best-seller,” at least in a top media outlet, no longer had the same appeal. Not that I couldn’t have found a way to do it. I wasn’t willing to pay the price.

My experience with this marketer caused me to reflect upon what I really want. Part of our work at HDI is inviting, prodding and supporting people in getting clear about their vision. This clarity is an important part of discovering success, joy and meaning in your life. What do you really want? How clear are you?

I believe 80% of the message from the Law of Attraction, so popular these days. I also realize that clarity, even positive emotion, is not enough to give us what we want. There is also a price tag associated with our vision.

I continued to think about the words of the marketer over the next several days: “This will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life.” If not selling books, then what aspect of my personal and professional vision is so big as to be worthy of calling “the hardest thing I do in my life?”

The answer was clear. There is no more important vision for me than living from my highest self—to daily live from an attitude of abundance, goodwill and love, no matter what. I don’t mean this statement to sound grandiose or self-righteous. But it’s the reason I wrote my book. I realized that far more important to me than selling the book is living the book. I also know it’s the hardest thing I’ll ever do.

There are moments when I succumb to my lesser self. In all honesty, I’m not a naturally optimistic and buoyant personality. I’m more sullen than cheerful. Doubt and feelings of not being good enough creep into my life. There are times when I want to complain, vent, even feel sorry for myself; times I play “small” by acting more from fear than trust and abundance.

To my credit, there are also many moments when I make the “hero’s choice;” moments I take full responsibility for my negative thoughts and emotions and create a positive outcome; moments when I’m fully present to life; moments when I stand tall in the midst of adversity; moments I act with courage and clarity of purpose to make good happen, no matter what.

My purpose is to do this again … and again … and again … until it is the only way I know how to live. Until I’m truly (in the words of Abraham Maslow) a self-actualized human being. That’s why I created the Human Development Institute. It’s why I created the LIVE BIG! seminar.

I apologize that I’m not a perfect role model. But the truth is that I’ve come a long way in this journey to live from my higher self. Today, I live big more than I live little. But it hasn’t always been an easy journey. Nor should it be an easy journey. After all, the goal of making my book a best-seller would not have been easy. And this journey of self-transformation is far more worthy of my commitment and passion.

You know how I know I’m making progress? It’s when I’m in the middle of a tough key moment (challenge or adversity) and I can say, “making a good choice right now feels like the hardest thing I’ll ever do.” And then I step into my “higher self” and I make that choice anyway. And the feelings of exhilaration, integrity, peace, love or goodwill tell me that I’ve won.

I invite you to join me in this journey to LIVE BIG! It’s not a journey we travel alone. We’re all in this together—supporting, loving and inspiring one another along the way. In fact, come to think of it, that’s why I don’t need to be a perfect role model. It’s not about me. It’s about you and me and all of us helping one come from a bigger place.

The Stories We Tell

One of my favorite stories was “The Little Engine Who Could.” Just recently I was climbing a “Fourteener” in Colorado. The day was hot. The route to the steepest part of the ascent had been long and I was panting hard as I tried to make my way up an unmarked trail over a steep field of boulders. I recall settling into a steady rhythm with a familiar cadence playing in the back of my mind. “I think I can. I think I can.”

One of my children’s favorite stories was “How to be Perfect in Just Three Days.” It is a fun and humorous story about a little boy who learned that he couldn’t and, even more importantly, didn’t need to be perfect.

Stories such as these play an important role in our lives. Not only do they entertain, but their lessons help shape how we think and feel about life.

And I’ve noticed that we don’t stop story-telling because we grow up. In fact, we tell ourselves stories every day. And the most important stories we tell are about our own lives. There is a monologue going on almost continually in the back of our minds about the events that happen to us on a day-to-day basis. We not only go through event after event but we talk to ourselves about the meaning of these events.

Perhaps the most critical time we tell ourselves stories is during a challenge. And the most important stories we tell ourselves determine how we make it through those challenges. Unfortunately, lots of people tell themselves stories based on fear and insecurity. “Nothing ever goes right” stories. Life is one set of problems after another. They don’t see the blessings and abundance of life but their antennae is attuned to the bad.

Others tell themselves “victim stories.” They insist that circumstances and other people are the cause of their problems. They magnify the actions of others while minimizing their own responsibility for what happens.

Others get caught up in “I might lose” stories. These stories are told by people who are afraid to dream or who put off their visions in order to find security and avoid the fears of failure, rejection or discomfort. As a result, they minimize growth and joy as well as potential losses.

Lots of folks tell themselves “I’m not good enough” stories. They put the brakes on their potential because they feel undeserving of success and happiness as they focus on their weaknesses, real or perceived, as well as guilt about the past.

Others tell “I can’t win” stories. These stories assume that either choices or one’s ability to exercise those choices are limited.  “I can’t help it.” “People don’t support me.” “I don’t have the authority.” People who buy into these stories believe they are powerless (not inadequate) to have what they want in life.

What stories do you tell yourself? Especially when things don’t go the way you want? When you get negative feedback? When you fail to get the promotion you wanted? When you’re laid off? When you are sick? Or you see someone who lives in a bigger house? When you get up and go to work every day?

These stories are powerful influencers of our moods, attitudes and behavior. Life is like a movie projector. We project our stories (our core beliefs) onto the world around us and they come back in the form of our experience. And the truth is you can build a case for whatever you tell yourself. You can find plenty of reasons to tell yourself negative stories or positive stories. The origin of your experience in life is not “out there.” It is “in here.”

I remember a story of young boy who asked his mother to come and watch him hit a ball. He tossed it up and swung, missing the ball. He tossed it up again, swung and missed. After tossing it in the air and missing a number of times, he looked at his mother and said, “I sure am a good pitcher.”

The good news is that, once you become aware that you are the one telling the stories, you have a choice. It isn’t always an easy choice. Especially if you’ve been telling yourself negative stories for a long time.

Most everyone who “makes it” in life tell themselves positive stories. People get through incredible adversity because they tell themselves stories that are positive and empowering. Likewise, people achieve incredible success because they tell themselves stories that are positive and empowering.

What is your dream? What do you really want from life? What stories do you need to tell yourself to live that dream? Say it out loud. Again. Write it down. Practice telling that story over and over until it becomes who you are. And, like a little child, discover the joy that can come into your life through the stories you tell.

A Tribute To The Whitakers

I wanted to blog about Doran and his family for a number of reasons. First, we never know how much time we have.

None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. I saw Doran not too long before his accident, as buoyant as ever. His passing reminds me of the urgency to live our best lives now.

A second reason I wanted to write about Doran is that he is a great example of a man who did not leave his emotional state up to chance. His eldest son, Tandy, spoke of that during the funeral. One of Doran’s deepest beliefs was that he could choose his state of mind. He could decide how to think, feel, and act in the face of any of life’s circumstances. And his daughter, Amy, spoke (actually sang) through tears and laughter, some words that her father used to sing to wake the family in the mornings. Something like, “The sun is shining, it’s a beautiful day…” I’m not sure I got the words right. I couldn’t tell you the tune. But I was moved by the attitude. Doran chose to experience each day as a beautiful day. He touched other people by his optimistic, steadfast, and loving spirit.

I think about Doran’s family, his wonderful wife (Joye) and their four adult children (Tandy, Amy, Angie, Jon). No doubt they’ve been through a tough ordeal these past months as they’ve sat by their father’s bed, praying and hoping for his recovery, gradually realizing it was not to be. Grieving together the loss of their husband and father. And emerging from this experience with an increase in faith, love, optimism about life, and even equanimity about his passing.

I was touched by watching the children during the viewing and funeral services. I felt their love and support for each other. I saw sadness but also brightness and Joy(e) in their faces. And I realized that they learned well. Perhaps the greatest gift a spouse and parent can give is more than their physical presence. Doran would/must be pleased to know that what we admired most about him lives on in those he admired most.