“With a clue like this, by Christopher, we’ll have Flint’s treasure if it takes a year!”

You probably remember the story of Treasure Island, although, depending on your age, your exposure to the story might have come via the original story by Robert Lewis Stephenson, the movie by Disney, the wacky Muppets version, or even the futuristic cartoon, Treasure Planet. All of the versions revolve around one central item:  the Treasure Map.  The map will lead its lucky possessor to untold treasures .

If you’ve been following along with my blogs over the last couple of months  and doing the quizzes and activities, then you’re ready to create a map to the most precious treasure of all – your future of fulfillment and self actualization.

The precise way you create your map is largely a matter of your skills and supplies, but however you decide to create it, it should include reflections of your True Self (Personality, Passions, Principles, and Purpose), your anchor, your emblem, your aspects (self, partner, family, friends, community, career & finances, living environment and health and recreation) and any symbols or pictures that represent your vision of  self actualization.  Here are some possible approaches you can take:

• Poster.  Assemble poster board with graphics and tactile objects that have meaning to you.  Use markers or crayons to add colorful reminders.
• Painting.  If you’re artistic, draw or paint a painting with elements that represent your vision.
• Graphic layout.  Use your favorite photo design program to design your tangible reminder.  Include photos or other visuals to build your mental picture.
• Scrapbooking.  If you’re into making scrapbooks or memory books, you can make a “vision” book for yourself, using magazine clippings and other enhancements.
• Stitching.  If you’re skilled at stitching, crossstitch, knit or needlepoint an enduring representation of your vision.  Make a wall-hanging or quilt with appliquéd squares that represent elements of your future.
• Writing.  If you’re a wordsmith, write a letter to “You in Twenty Years,” (or One, Ten or even Fifty) describing what you want to do, accomplish, be before you die.   Include lots of details; really create a concrete picture.

The important thing isn’t how you make your visual aid, but the fact that you do – the fact that you take the time to immerse yourself into your vision of your future.  If you want to make that vision a reality, you have to see it, feel it, taste it. Create the treasure map that will lead you to your future, step by step, because what you do in your present – this moment, and then this moment, and then this moment – that is what will create your future.

Let’s put your core desires on paper.  You can put them on 3×5 cards or create a journal of core desires.  The important thing is to make them tangible, and then to see how they fit in with your global life purpose.  Write down each core desire with some space around it, so for each we can determine and make note of the following:

1. What is the priority of the core desire?  Different people will prioritize differently.  For example, some would consider financial success to be paramount, but others, while agreeing that it is important, wouldn’t say they “absolutely must” achieve it.  Rate each of your core desires as follows:

A                 Highest priority – you absolutely have to achieve this.

B                 Priorities – these desires tap into your passions.

C                 Average desires – important, but not critical to your life purpose.

D                 Below average – low priority desires.

O                 Obligation – what you think you ought to do or want

1. Now think about whether each core desire has to do with “having,” “doing” or “being” and write that down.  “Having” might include a certain amount in retirement funds.  “Doing” might be traveling before you’re too old to appreciate it.  “Being” might include being a loving parent or friend.
2. Make a note of when you might like to achieve the core desire.  If you don’t know, spend a few trying to come up with your best guess of when it will fit into your life.
3. Now, remember the elements that play into your self actualization?  Make a note of which each core desire fits into:
   1. Self
   2. Partner
   3. Family
   4. Friends
   5. Community
   6. Career & Finances
   7. Living Environment
   8. Health and Recreation
   9. Write the names of people who need to be involved in helping you achieve the desire.  For example, your spouse and you need to cooperate on parenting and financial goals.

Tomorrow, we’ll work on solidifying your vision even more, until it’s so solid and tangible that you’ll be able to feel your self actualization between your fingertips.

What do you want out of your life?  What do you want to be, do, have?  What is most important to you?  What would bring you the incredible joy and meaning in your life?

This are big questions – the biggest.  They deserve your time and attention.   Just for a change, don’t respond to the following questions with “true,” “false” or “sort of.”  Instead, answer each quickly, make note of your response, and then search your heart more deeply for a more thought out response.  Both responses matter, and will help you to expose your ideal vision of your future and what truly matters to you.

1. Your house is engulfed in flames.  You can save 5 things.  What are they?
2. You discover you have six months to live, but you expect to feel fine until the last day.  You select one major thing to accomplish in each of the months.  What are they?
3. You have one legacy of truth to give to your child.  What is it?
4. A genie appears and offers you a single wish.  What is it?
5. After the end of your life, what five adjectives would you want used most frequently by your grieving loved ones?
6. When someone you know passes away and you reflect on their lives, what moves you to admiration?  What moves you to sympathetic regret?
7. If you were banished from your homeland and forced to start over in a strange place, what people/things would you be unable to leave behind?
8. Think of at least three moments in your life when you felt utter contentment.  What elements made those moments so extraordinary?  If you can’t think of three, what elements do you imagine would combine to put you in a state of contentment?
9. Think of at least three moments in your life when you felt transcendent joy.  What elements made those moments so extraordinary?  If you can’t think of three, what elements do you imagine would combine to put you in a state of contentment?
10. Think back to when you were a teenager.  In fact, if you kept journals or wrote poetry or songs during that time, this is the time to dig them up.  Years and experience change us dramatically after our teen years, and many of the changes are positive – gains in wisdom, understanding, patience and appreciation.  But we may also lose touch with that time when our true selves sparked outward into unbridled passions and uncurbed enthusiasm.  The tenth question is, can you recognize that younger self within your years-tempered modern self?

Journal, talk to a partner or meditate on these responses.  Let them “percolate” in your brain and heart for a while, and tomorrow we’ll talk about what to do with your discoveries and how to use them to move forward your journey into self actualization.

I used that quote from Parker J. Palmer back in February, when we were first embarking on your journey to self actualization.  We’ve talked about the defining moments in your life, and how to make intentional choices about their impact by acknowledging the lessons learned and letting go of the pain.   We’ve talked about living from the inside out:  your personality, passions, purpose and principles that define your true self, and the difference between your natural state and your social state.  All of this helped us determine your personality style (remember earth, fire, wind and water?) and the fifteen types within those styles.  From there we moved on to your passions and purpose, and you wrote your purpose statement.  This helped you to write your credo – the summary of your principles.

Finally, through March, we’ve been talking about how the different aspects of your life can help or hinder your path to self actualization.   You took quizzes to pinpoint problems areas with:

• Self
• Partner
• Family
• Friends
• Community
• Career & Finances
• Living Environment
• Health & Recreation

Have you found that, as we’ve uncovered areas of concern in your life, you’ve automatically started making adjustments to bring your life around to your true self?  Knowledge is a powerful tool in the pursuit of self actualization.  You might have originally sought out my site because you felt vaguely (or sharply) dissatisfied with your life.  Maybe you weren’t making progress toward your goals, or your professional or personal life was faltering.  Just pinpointing the real problem (or problems) can get you moving in the right direction.

Now it’s time to take control of your life and accelerate your progress toward everything you’ve always dreamed of by creating your vision.  As I explain in my Life Quest seminar:  “Vision is knowing what we want.  It is the power to bring something that does not now exist into reality.  It is the means by which anything meaningful is created, accomplished or attained.”

Tomorrow you’ll learn about the four aspects of vision:  Clarity, value, positive expectancy, and alignment.  You’ll discover that once you align your goals with your true self, you’ll begin to see your vision of your future become reality.

They say it’s the little things in life that matter, and if you think about your most precious memories, you’ll know it’s true.  You probably can’t remember most of the Christmas gifts you gave in the last few years even though you agonized over the purchases at the time, but you can remember the way your little granddaughter tucked her head against her father’s cheek just as you snapped the picture in front of the Christmas tree.  You probably can’t remember the details of what you learned in your college courses, but you can remember the way a single professor changed your direction with a word, a look, or a powerful story.  You probably can’t remember what order the events took place during your wedding, but you can remember the look on your bride’s face as she said her vows.

Little things add up, day after day, to a wholesome lifestyle of health, happiness and self actualization.

Today we’re going to take a look at how satisfied you are with the health and recreation aspects of your life.  You probably saw this coming, but let’s start with a short quiz.  Respond to each of the following statements with “true” “false” or “sort of.”

1. In the past week, I can think of a couple of times where I just hung out and did something I enjoyed.
2. Overall, I think I take in a pretty good balance of healthy foods.
3. Junk food is a treat for me; not my staple diet.
4. I keep myself toned and fit by exercising regularly.
5. It’s pretty rare for me to be sleep-deprived.
6. I’m a person who knows how to relax.
7. I might not be a super-model or world class athlete, but I’m in pretty good shape.
8. Even though I over-indulge sometimes, overall, I have a pretty healthy lifestyle.
9. I know how to have fun.
10. When I go to my regular check-ups, my doctor seems pretty contented with my overall health profile.

Here are a couple of cliché’s for you:

• All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
• He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything.

The annoying thing about clichés is that they are no less true for being repeated too often.  If you found yourself answering “false” to most of the statements above,  your path to self actualization might be hindered by the fact that you are a “dull boy.”  Part of knowing how to LIVE BIG is knowing how let go of the daily pressures of to-do lists, deadlines, and pressures and just LIVE.  Life’s too short to let it go by in a wave of somber dedication.

In a small city in Ohio, police offers make a monthly visit to all members of the city council to deliver a package of information for the upcoming council meeting.  One Tuesday morning, officers arrived at one council woman’s home to find the door ajar.  The officers knocked and called but no one answered and there were no cars in the driveway.  They stepped inside cautiously, took one look around, and then called in a report that the place had been robbed.  Cushions were overturned, food was dumped on the floor, a pile of papers and magazines had topped and slid across the floor and clothes were flung everywhere.

Dispatch sent more officers and eventually tracked down the council woman, who abandoned her shopping trip to find her home . . . just as she’d left it.

She was a prominent member of the community, but she was mortally embarrassed that day by her out of control environment, and she felt she lost the respect of the officers and others who heard about it.

Maybe you keep up with your home, but you’re embarrassed about your car or your wardrobe.  Maybe your possessions seem to own you instead of the other way around.

If you’ve been following along with my blogs over the past few weeks, then you know that we’re on a quest for self actualization.  Right now we’re working our way through the factors in your life that can either limit your progress or propel it forward.  Today we’ll talk about your living environment.  You might wonder at this.  After all, what can your messy house have to do with whether you’ll attain self actualization?  Before I answer, take one more second to think about how you feel when you’re in the place where you spend the most time.  Whether it’s your office, your kitchen or your car, how do you feel when it’s cluttered and chaotic?  Do you find it limiting when you can’t find the tools that you need to complete your work?  Do you move piles of clothes off your bed before you go to sleep each night?

Let’s target some problem areas with this simple quiz.  For each statement, respond with “true,” “false” or “sort of”:

1. I hate my car.
2. I hate my house.
3. My house is always a mess.
4. I’m ashamed to have people stop by unexpectedly.
5. I hate my clothes.
6. I always threaten to get organized, but I never really do.
7. The neighbors’ house always looks nicer than mine.
8. My relatives judge me by shabby belongings.
9. I dress like a slob.
10. I have too much clutter.

These are all boldly negative statements, and I’m sure you can easily identify that the ideal answer to each is false.  Basically, the quiz is designed to quickly help you identify problem areas in your overall living space and physical environment.  Are you satisfied with your possessions, décor, organization and cleanliness?  If not, we’ll talk tomorrow about what you can do to turn that around.

“Sounds confusing!”

This line is funny because, of course, the basics of money management aren’t confusing at all.  They can be summarized in a few simple steps:

1. Earn money.
2. Use it to pay for the basics first, like housing and food, and then budget it out to other categories.
3. Prepare for emergencies (and there are always emergencies) by setting aside some of the money you earn.
4. Prepare for larger purchases, like cars and houses, by saving some of the money you earn.
5. Prepare for your future, like college and retirement, by saving some more of the money you earn.
6. And, of course, as the video explains so succinctly:  “Don’t buy things you can’t afford.”

If money management is so simple, why do so many people struggle with it?

Partly because humans want more.  If they live in a cottage, they want more.  If they live in a mansion, they want more.  If they see television commercials, they want more.  If their friends describe their car/vacation/home/life, they want more.  When a new credit card comes in the mail, a  new generation of computers comes out, a new feature is added to your dream car . . .   You get the idea.  We want what we want when we want it.  Mad Magazine put it this way:  “The only reason a great many American families don’t own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.”

You don’t need an elephant, but you might just want one.  If you’re finances are out of control, you probably have a few too many elephants in your house.  When you took yesterday’s quiz, did you spot some trouble areas in your finances?  Are you scratching to meet your obligations from month to month?  Are you vulnerable to the first major financial setback that occurs?  Are you prepared for the future?  When you go on vacation, is it with the sick awareness of your increased credit card debt?  The stress and financial chaos that comes from mismanaging your money can dominate your life and halt your progress toward self actualization.

There are thousands of books and websites teaching you the practicalities of managing your money.  CNN has a series of money management lessons on its website that will tell you everything you need to know, starting with setting your priorities and going on to making a budget, banking and saving, investing, and so on.  The US government also offers many informational sites helping consumers to learn the basics of financial management, as well as their rights as credit card users, etc.

But this information won’t help you if you don’t align your behavior and life with your values.  This is the key to finding self actualization in every category.

Money.  We’ve heard all the sayings:  “Money isn’t everything.”  “Money can’t buy happiness.”  “You can’t take it with you.”  We spend an awful lot of time and attention talking about how money doesn’t deserve our time and attention.  But at the end of the month . . . the rent is still due.  Part of reaching your state of self actualization is feeling in control of your finances and happy with your work.

How satisfied are you with your financial life?  Take this quiz to find out.  For each of the following statements, answer True, False, or Sort of:

1. I’m happy with my progress in my career.
2. I feel respected at work.
3. Most months I’m able to meet my bills without worrying about it.
4. If I lost my income tomorrow, my family would be okay for at least six months.
5. I feel like I’m doing the right work for my talents and personality.
6. In my own little way, I make a difference in the world by going to work every day.
7. I’m able to provide my family with everything it needs, plus some of the extras that make life worth living.
8. I’m clear on where I’m headed with my career goals.
9. I’m clear on my financial goals (and in harmony with my partner, if I have one).
10. My partner and I are usually able to come to a peaceful agreement about where our money will go.
11. Every so often, I sit down, consider where I am and where I’m going, and then I adjust my path accordingly.
12. I feel like I have the opportunity to reach my professional potential.
13. People who are much richer than I am may be interesting, but what they do doesn’t affect me particularly.
14. Most days I look forward to going to work.
15. I feel like my work environment promotes professional growth and a good work attitude.
16. If the car breaks down or the washer gives out, it’s a nuisance, but it’s not a financial disaster.
17. I can handle most financial emergencies without using credit cards.
18. I either pay my credit cards off each month or I don’t use them at all.
19. My partner and I are honest with each other about money.
20. I save money for what I want to buy.

The ideal response to all of these statements is “true.”  If you found you had a lot of different answers, that’s an indication that career and finances are an area of your life that could use some work.   We all know that worshipping money is a bad idea, but that isn’t a caution only for wealthy people.  Often the people who are most obsessed with money are the ones who don’t have any – who struggle from month to month and spend undue amounts of time wish for things that they can’t have and making occasional impulsive decisions that cost them long term.  Whether you’re rich or poor or somewhere in between, if you’re worshipping or obsessing about money, you won’t achieve self actualization.  You need to have a mastery over your career and finances.

We’ll talk about how to achieve that mastery tomorrow.

What is it about this scene from Fiddler on the Roof that’s so heartbreaking?  The families are being forced to leave their home village of Anatevka.  They say themselves, it’s nothing special.  “It’s just a place,” says Golda.  If you’re familiar with the story, you know that there are tensions and hard feelings between some of the residents of the village, and some of the characters are just downright irritating.  But in those last few minutes in their home, they cling to each other.

As we’ve talked about your path to self actualization, we’ve highlighted some of the qualities that make you unique – your talents, personality and your relationships.  But you are also human, sharing the same core features as all other humans, and humans are not solitary beings.  If you took the quiz yesterday, you may have realized that you struggle in this area, so let’s talk about some basic principles that will help you function as part of a community.

• Humans have an innate need to belong. If you know someone who rejects human companionship by word or action, this isn’t a case of one more personality type.  Almost always, this self-imposed isolation is evidence that something has gone wrong.  Maybe the person has been hurt too badly to trust, or is depressed.  Maybe it’s a case of mental illness.  In any of these cases, the only appropriate response is compassion.  You don’t have to enjoy anti-social behaviors, and you certainly should protect your own interests.  But reacting with judgment or negativity will only add to the damage, and you, as a card-holding member of the human race, have no right to damage others.
• Humans are reluctant to end relationships. We find security in ongoing relationships, and insecurity in ending them, even when we know that they are damaging or unhealthy.  If you know you need to end a relationship, your feeling of resistance is instinctive, and isn’t necessarily an indication that ending it is the wrong choice.
• Humans need both social contacts and solitude. If you can’t function when you’re by yourself, this is as unhealthy as being unable to function in a social group.  Find a balance between the two.
• Most people who are in healthy, enduring relationships live longer and are healthier and happier than those who are alone.
• Like attracts like. There’s no evidence that opposites attract.  People are drawn to those that are similar to themselves.  This is why we have established social rituals and a standard of good manners.  If the idea of “putting your best foot forward” feels dishonest to you (like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not), this might help explain. Two humans initially form a bond over qualities that they have in common, so they instinctively search for those similarities.  Only after the bond is formed do they begin to reveal their more “weird” features.  The origins of racism may go back to this human trait.  The solution to overcoming racism lies in finding the common, human ground between groups of people who may appear at first to be widely different.
• Friendships are built through frequent exposure. If you’re the “ship who passes through the night” type, you may be cheating yourself out of the fundamental connection that comes from being in a community of people.

The people in your “community,” whether it’s an actual town or neighborhood, a workplace, a church, or some other group or combination of groups, will not be perfect.  But through repeated exposure, you’ll come to know them, and, to varying degrees, care about them and rely on them.   There’s comfort in it, even as you may struggle to maintain the balance between that community connection and your privacy and boundaries.  Cherish your community for what it is – a loose but necessary association of flawed humans – and you’ll find that self actualization is closer than it ever was before.

Sociologists have discovered that humans have an innate need to belong to a group of people.  Healthy humans devote a good amount of time and energy on securing and maintaining their place in a social group, and self actualization includes having a healthy relationship with and within a community of people.  Let’s see how you are in this area:

For each of the following statements, answer True, False, or Sort of:

1. In most situations, I feel like a stranger in a strange land.
2. I refuse to follow social norms and behaviors; after all, isn’t it more important to be myself?
3. People in general can’t be trusted, and the farther they stay away from me the better.
4. I have fewer than 2 people in my life that I like and see regularly.
5. When I hear news about tragedies in far away places, I change the station.  After all, it’s not my problem.
6. I don’t help people if I think they brought their problems upon themselves.
7. In most situations, I keep my head down and my mouth shut.  No one listens to me, anyway.
8. I have fewer than three regular “social obligations” – work, school, church, civic organizations, etc.
9. I avoid permanent connections with others.
10. Generally, I think people either ignore me or dislike me.
11. If I think another driver cut me off or another shopper cut in front of me in the deli, I let them know what I think – I don’t put up with anything from anybody.
12. My time is expensive; I don’t give it away to any person or organization without a tangible payoff.
13. Frequently I wonder why the people still in my life put up with me.
14. Usually people who fall on hard times did something to make it happen.
15. I know which people at church/the club/the gym/work are likely to ask for a donation of time or money, and I avoid them.
16. I move around a lot, either by physically moving house or by never frequenting the same place too often.  I’m not a “regular” anywhere.
17. I know some people are outraged by some of the things going on in the world today, but they’re wasting their emotional energy.  There’s nothing you can do to change the world.
18. There are no groups where I feel really welcome and included.
19. There are no groups where I feel necessary.
20. I can’t really make a difference in the world.
21. Life is short, so I’m going to look out for Number One.
22. I know I should do more to help others, but I’m too busy.
23. I wish there was a way to make a difference, but life is what it is.
24. I wish I knew how to fit into groups, but I’m always the awkward hanger-on.
25. There are fewer than four people who probably feel like they “need” me.

The more “true” responses you were able to give, the more disenfranchised from society you may feel.  Your journey toward self actualization will include strengthening your ties to a functioning community of people.  This might include involvement in organizations like civic groups or church, volunteering, and contributing resources like your talents, money, leadership abilities and time.

If you aren’t used to thinking of yourself as a social animal, you might assume that this isn’t an important element of self actualization.  Once you experience the richness of living fully in a community of other humans – giving and taking and interacting – you’ll see what a difference it makes.  The Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin reported on a study that was conducted on people with “dismissing avoidant attachment style,” in other words, people who believe they don’t need to belong.  In studies, the participants felt better about themselves when the others in the group accepted them.  After a certain amount of rejection and hurt, you may not want to need others, but you still do.  The key is to learn to be a part of a community while still protecting your personal boundaries and sense of identity.  And we’ll talk more about that tomorrow.